Taking Control Before the Conversation Starts
In most negotiations, the outcome is shaped long before the first number is on the table. Research in organisational behaviour shows that when rules of engagement are ambiguous, those with louder voices or higher status often dominate. This creates a disadvantage for many women, particularly in environments where confidence is rewarded over clarity. The evidence is clear: the party that sets the agenda and the process gains disproportionate influence over the result.
Applying a negotiation lens
Negotiation is not just about the moment of exchange. It is about the framing, timing, and conditions that define how information will be evaluated. When you set the process, you set the boundaries of the discussion. This is a form of “procedural anchoring.” By quietly deciding what will be discussed, in what order, and on what criteria, you tilt the outcome toward your goals without ever appearing aggressive.
The solution: practical moves
Four specific moves demonstrate this power:
Procedural anchoring – Agree the rules first, then discuss the numbers. If you circulate criteria for decision-making in advance, you anchor the group to your framework.
Pre-wiring micro-coalitions – Share your idea with two decision-makers before the meeting, incorporate one of their suggestions, and you walk into the room with allies.
Procedural veto – Instead of fighting interruptions, ask the chair to enforce a light rule, “return the floor to the interrupted speaker.” You protect your airtime without confrontation.
Timing arbitrage – Place your proposal when constraints are lowest. The same idea offered at year-end vs. quarter-start often receives very different receptions.
Consider an internal resourcing meeting. Instead of waiting for the loudest voice to dominate, you send a note in advance: “To decide Q4 resourcing, let’s review client risk, margin impact, and delivery feasibility, then allocate within a 1.5–2.0 FTE corridor. If we agree, I’ll propose two options within those bounds.” By doing this, you quietly structure the decision, making it far more likely your proposal will fit.
Advice for women in leadership
Take control of the process. Authentic influence does not require louder speech or harder elbows. It requires foresight. Decide what the discussion will look like before it happens, and invite others to participate in shaping it. These small, behind-the-scenes steps remove the need for posturing and create natural authority.
Influence is designed, not demanded. The next time you step into a negotiation or high-stakes meeting, ask yourself, how can I set the frame before the content? This small shift will change the conversation in your favour.